A Declaration of Integrity

This is the kind of inspired, spiritually charged environment or intersubjective field that is entered into and co-created by those who choose to become my students. It’s easy to see how compelling and attractive this is to the deepest part of our self, to the evolutionary impulse, which I call the Authentic Self within each and every one of us—that which yearns only to be utterly free and to be able to participate, creatively, wholeheartedly, and unselfconsciously in the life process for the highest purpose.

However, to whatever degree the authentic self is compelled to create the future, the ego, to that same degree, experiences the ultimate threat to its survival. As renowned Sufi master and prominent psychologist Robert Frager once told What Is Enlightenment? magazine: “The ego, or nafs, is scared of change, scared to death of deep mystical experience and transformation, because from its point of view, that kind of change is death. . . . It is the part of all of us that wants to stay the same, a kind of inertial component . . . that says, ‘Don’t change.’” Any spiritual aspirant who even begins to respond seriously to the passion for liberation is more than likely going to come face to face with this part of the self. But this “inertial component,” or resistance to change, comes to the surface in a much more dramatic way in a high-stakes, spiritually charged intersubjective context where people are coming together for the sole purpose of ongoing, radical individual and collective transformation. I believe that it is only in the creative friction of such a focused environment that new structures in consciousness can actually emerge, and at the same time, I have found that it is that very environment that inevitably calls forth that part of the self that fiercely resists those new structures.

Once again, the thrilling potential that is so tangible in an environment pregnant with evolutionary tension is precisely what is so attractive to the best part of ourselves, and simultaneously what threatens the ego more than anything else. That’s why, for most of these years, my life has been an experience of heaven and hell simultaneously. I’ve lived awake to a glorious potential that most people have never even dreamed of, and simultaneously, have ongoingly experienced a ferocious resistance from the very people who have insisted they want nothing other than to dedicate their lives to the fulfillment of that potential. I guess this is what it’s like to live on the edge, and this is what it’s like to push the edge . . .

It’s important to understand that the emergence of a new stage of human development at the level of consciousness doesn’t just happen by itself. Of course, initially, these new levels spontaneously emerge as temporary states, the ecstatic expansion of perception, emotion, and cognition that mesmerizes and inspires the soul in the most profound way imaginable. It is the experience of higher states that can convince even the most hardened cynic that in fact they have seen God. But in order for that glory that has been glimpsed in higher states to become the foundation for an actual level or permanent stage of individual and collective development, an enormous price has to be paid. More often than not, the mistake is made where simply because an individual has experienced a higher state they conclude that they have actually made that leap or transition to a higher stage. And that is rarely the case. Only with dedicated and consistent practice and committed engagement with the enormity of the task at hand can any individual or group actually make this momentous transition.

When one is authentically endeavoring to create a new stage, very deep emotional, psychological, and cultural structures have to be seen and overridden.

For someone who is very serious and committed to such a bold endeavor, what could be more exciting, what could be more compelling? But there’s no doubt that what I’m describing is nothing less than the ultimate challenge for the self: to transcend old structures and to create new ones at the leading edge. And anybody who proclaims that ego isn’t a big deal obviously hasn’t tried to do anything like this.

A couple of years ago, I interviewed Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche, a brilliant young movie director, Tibetan lama, and tulku [reincarnation of a fully enlightened being]. The theme of our discussion was the challenge of being a guru in a postmodern Western context. I had originally been captivated by his bold statement in a documentary made about his work that the guru who “crushes your pride and makes this worldly life completely miserable is something that you ask for. He is the assassin . . . the man or woman whom you have hired to completely dismantle you.” But I was taken aback when he admitted that with his own students, he wasn’t promising he could do the job. “I may be a teacher,” he told me with surprising candor, “but I don’t have that kind of courage because I love my reputation. Who wants to be referred to as an abuser? I don’t.” I asked him about the great Tibetan gurus, such as Marpa, who was known for being one of the fiercest. He replied, “Oh, yes . . . they could do it because they had no agenda. Their only agenda was to enlighten. They didn’t care what other people said or thought—I call it CCL: couldn’t-care-less-ness. That holds the biggest power. But who has it today?” That’s when I realized that for better or for worse, “CCL” was a quality that I had possessed from the very day I started teaching. And I’ve certainly paid the price.

I’ve been accused of going to extremes in order to break the grip of ego in my students. Some feel I’ve taken things too far at times, and accuse me of using “crazy wisdom” techniques for questionable motives. “Crazy wisdom” is a Tibetan term for teachers behaving in outrageous and seemingly irrational ways in order to shock their disciples awake from ignorance. And the unfortunate truth is, it has been used in recent times by Eastern and Western teachers to justify behavior that has in fact been for personal gain or serving less-than-enlightened motives. But I certainly don’t refer to or think of myself as a crazy wisdom teacher. At the same time, I don’t hesitate to say that for the sake of individual or collective development, I definitely have at times pushed my students very hard—not for personal gain and, indeed, always at tremendous personal risk.

As a teacher who is not afraid to say he’s pushing the edge and endeavoring to realize a potential above and beyond the popularized form of personal enlightenment that has become so common these days, I tend to attract students who are compelled by the notion of doing something revolutionary together with others. Once again, I ceaselessly remind people that what we’re doing transcends the California-style spiritual/therapeutic model and is, by its very nature, extremely demanding. Almost without exception, everyone insists not only that they understand what I’m saying, but that they are already fully prepared and equipped for the mission. But I never let anyone get deeply involved unless they express and demonstrate a clear and unambiguous commitment over a long period of time, appear to really understand the nature of the circumstance that they are choosing to enter into, and are fully willing to accept responsibility for the choice they are making.

Contrary to what many of my detractors would like people to believe, once someone chooses to commit to this path, they are fully cognizant of what that means. Indeed, a foundational tenet of my teaching is the Law of Volitionality, the whole point of which is to become more conscious of the choices that we are making, and to take the ultimately empowering step of accepting unconditional responsibility for ourselves. Everyone is given an enormous amount of help in order to learn how to do this.

In spite of this, at times my students have and still do put me in an impossible position. In an evolutionary context, it is only the individual’s willingness to change that makes it possible for new potentials to emerge in the collective. In a unique and focused environment where the evolution of the whole depends upon the individuals involved to actually follow through on their commitment to change, the stakes get very high indeed. This is the scenario that has played itself out countless times: A student is given everything they need in order to change—repeated direct experiences of higher states of consciousness; endless hours of teachings; personal guidance, love, affirmation, and encouragement; crystal clear reflection of their own particular issues that need to be faced and come to terms with; a network of friendship and support; techniques and practices to facilitate the process; and, of course, the biggest reason in the world to succeed! And still, for whatever reason, they come up against a wall of resistance, and irrationally refuse to do what they need to do, making deeper and higher development impossible and having detrimental effects on the whole that they are a part of.

It’s in moments like these that I find myself in a double bind. The individual insists, in spite of repeated demonstrations to the contrary, that they want to do it, and yet continues to refuse to take the simple steps necessary to succeed. Sometimes this impasse can last for weeks or months on end, and I will eventually be obliged by the nature of my job description, which is to facilitate the evolution of the whole, to try and force the issue. That means either having to ask the individual to leave until they’re willing to play ball, or exerting even greater pressure that would compel them to actually do what they have insisted they want to do more than anything else—change! What happens after this is one of only three possibilities: 1) the student is angry and resentful at being asked to leave; 2) they are angry and resentful for being pushed “too hard” and sometimes leave anyway; 3) the refusal breaks and a changed individual, having discovered the liberating power of a higher and deeper perspective, expresses gratitude beyond measure for what they now see as their guru’s perseverance, compassion, and love for their own soul.